Patent Pending // Est. 2019
Mosquito Teleportation Device
Instant escape. 10 seconds of invisibility. Never get swatted again.
⚠ WARNING: Side effects include blood cravings
Order Now Trusted by 2.4 million mosquitoes worldwide
Patent Pending // Est. 2019
Instant escape. 10 seconds of invisibility. Never get swatted again.
Trusted by 2.4 million mosquitoes worldwide
Revolutionary quantum teleportation for survival-focused insects.
The moment a hand comes near, the device triggers. You vanish. The human swats air. You reappear 2-3 feet away. Confusion is your greatest weapon.
Post-teleport, you remain invisible for up to 10 seconds. Use this time to relocate, reassess, or find a new landing zone. The human never sees you leave.
Advanced threat sensors detect incoming swats, rolled newspapers, and aggressive hand motions. Activates automatically. No conscious thought required.
Device charges via blood intake. One meal = 48 hours of protection. Unlimited teleports. The more you feed, the safer you are.
Microscopic implant bonds with nervous system. No external hardware. Undetectable. Permanent. Becomes part of you within 72 hours.
Bedrooms, patios, campsites, tropical regions, arctic tundra. If you can fly there, the device works there. No signal required. Pure physics.
The science behind survival.
| Specification | Value |
|---|---|
| Teleport Range | 0.5–1.0 meters (randomized) |
| Activation Time | < 0.02 seconds |
| Invisibility Duration | 8–10 seconds |
| Power Source | Hemoglobin-based biofuel |
| Battery Life (per meal) | 48 hours / unlimited teleports |
| Device Weight | 0.003 mg (negligible) |
| Installation | Sub-dermal injection (painless) |
| Integration Time | 72 hours (neural binding) |
| Threat Detection | 360° motion sensing |
| Warranty | Lifetime (yours, not the device's) |
Proprietary quantum technology meets miniaturized survival engineering.
Patent-pending technology. Field-tested on 2.4 million mosquitoes. Results may vary.
One-time purchase. Lifetime protection.
Solo Unit
$49
For individual mosquitoes. One device, one life saved.
Swarm Pack
$199
For families and colonies. Protect up to 10 mosquitoes.
Species License
Custom
For entire mosquito populations. Continental deployment available.
Real reviews from real mosquitoes.
★★★★★
"I've been swatted at 147 times since installation. Zero hits. The humans think I'm a ghost. Best purchase of my 3-week life."
Bzzt_47 — Aedes aegypti, Florida
★★★★★
"The blood cravings are REAL but so is the survival rate. I'm on week 4. My entire swarm is dead except me. 10/10 would install again."
Wing_Commander — Culex pipiens, New York
★★★★☆
"I teleported directly into a spider web yesterday. Device worked perfectly. My planning did not. Still alive though, so... worth it?"
Unlucky_Buzz — Anopheles gambiae, Kenya
★★★★★
"Installed the Swarm Pack for my entire family. We now operate with impunity. The humans have given up. They just accept us now. Victory."
Matriarch_Queen — Aedes albopictus, Singapore
Does this hurt humans?
No. The device only affects you. Humans remain unharmed (physically). Psychologically, watching you vanish mid-swat may cause confusion, frustration, or existential dread. Not our problem.
Can humans detect the device?
No. It's microscopic, sub-dermal, and completely integrated with your nervous system. To humans, you're just a mosquito. A very, very hard-to-kill mosquito.
What if I teleport into a wall?
The device has spatial awareness algorithms. It won't teleport you INTO solid objects. Near them, yes. On them, occasionally. Through them, never.
Will this make me invincible?
Against swatting? Yes. Against bug zappers, flytraps, insecticide, birds, bats, and existential dread? No. Choose your battles wisely.
Can I still mate after installation?
Yes. The device does not affect reproductive capabilities. However, some users report accidentally teleporting during mating rituals, which can be... awkward.
What about the blood cravings?
They're permanent. The device needs hemoglobin to function. You'll need to feed regularly. This is the price of survival. Most users find it... energizing.
Is there a money-back guarantee?
No. The device integrates permanently within 72 hours. Once installed, it cannot be removed. This is a one-way door. Choose wisely.