Professional Grocery Chaos Since 2003
Grocery Gnomes
We rearrange aisles. We wipe memories. We make shopping an adventure.
Hire a TeamContractors of choice for 14,000+ supermarkets worldwide.
Professional Grocery Chaos Since 2003
We rearrange aisles. We wipe memories. We make shopping an adventure.
Hire a TeamContractors of choice for 14,000+ supermarkets worldwide.
Professional grocery chaos agents at your service.
Move the entire bread section to where frozen foods used to be. Swap pasta with cleaning supplies. Put milk in the produce section. Monthly chaos guaranteed.
Our patented Supermarket Memory Wiper™ activates the moment shoppers enter. They'll forget their list immediately. Works great with aisle shuffling.
Move items between categories "for no reason." Ketchup becomes a beverage. Bread is now dairy. Watch shoppers question everything they know about food.
Rearrange shelf layouts nightly. The thing you bought last week? It's now three aisles over. Good luck remembering where anything is.
Update aisle signs to reflect old layouts while products have already moved. Or just make signs point to random places. Both work beautifully.
Move shopping carts to unexpected locations. Rearrange checkout lanes weekly. Restock items in mysteriously wrong spots. The classics never die.
See the difference our professional chaos agents make.
Average shopping time increased by 104%. Customer confusion up 340%. Revenue impact: significant.
All plans include memory wiping and weekly aisle shuffling.
Starter Squad
$499/mo
Perfect for small neighborhood markets. Light chaos, maximum confusion.
Chaos Premium
$1,499/mo
Our most popular plan. Full-time chaos agents for medium to large stores.
Mega Chain
Custom
For major supermarket chains. Coordinated chaos across multiple locations.
Real feedback from real grocery professionals.
★★★★★
"Our average shopping time went from 23 minutes to 47 minutes. Customers are in the store twice as long. Sales are up. Nobody knows where anything is. It's perfect."
Karen D. — Store Manager, FreshMart
★★★★★
"I hired Grocery Gnomes as a joke. Now I can't run my store without them. Every month they move the milk. Every month customers wander aimlessly. Every month our revenue goes up 12%."
Michael R. — Regional Director, MegaMarket
★★★★★
"The memory wiper is genius. Shoppers walk in with a list, forget it immediately, and just buy whatever they see. Impulse purchase rate increased 340%. The gnomes stay."
Patricia L. — Owner, Village Grocer
★★★★☆
"I've worked here 15 years. I now get lost in my own store. Customers ask me where things are and I honestly don't know anymore. Oddly, I've never been happier."
Tom H. — Employee, SaveMore
Are the gnomes actual gnomes?
We neither confirm nor deny the taxonomic classification of our chaos agents. They are small, they are effective, and they work nights. That's all you need to know.
How does the memory wiper work?
Proprietary technology involving low-frequency hums, strategic cart wheel squeaks, and the scent of rotisserie chicken. The moment shoppers enter, they forget why they came. Science.
Won't customers complain about the constant changes?
They do! Constantly. And then they spend 20 more minutes wandering your store looking for pasta. Complaints are a feature, not a bug. Extended browsing time = increased sales.
Can I request specific chaos tactics?
Absolutely. Want bread next to motor oil? Done. Prefer vegetables in the frozen section? We can do that. Have a grudge against the dairy aisle? Say no more.
What if my employees can't find anything either?
That's ideal. When employees are as confused as customers, the authenticity is unmatched. We offer optional "employee chaos training" to help staff embrace the confusion.
Do you work with organic/specialty stores?
Yes! We have gnomes specially trained in artisanal chaos. They'll move your kombucha, shuffle your quinoa varieties, and relocate bulk bins with surgical precision.
Can I cancel my gnome team?
You can try. Most clients discover that once the gnomes start, reverting to a static layout feels... wrong. Customers actually get upset when things stop moving. You've been warned.